Could You Ever Eat A Turtle?

Sometimes it's hard to admit the weird shit that goes on in my brain.  But here goes. Stay with me, 'kay?

This morning the kids woke me up at 5am and as I lay there kind of knowing I wasn't going to get back to sleep a song that is on high rotation at our place and a show I saw a bit of on telly the other night kind of merged in a squishy sort of way.

So it is that I ended up mumbling "Could You Ever Eat A Turtle?" to the tune of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" while I made the kids their Weet-Bix this morning.

I live in a house with a six year old girl, so quite obviously Frozen and the entire lyrics of the accompanying CD has been seared into my brain is a way that can only be described as cruel and unusual.

Also I saw the last half of First Contact on SBS the other night.  

Did you see it?  I'm not always into these reality shows parading as documentaries.  I think there is a bit of a danger in presenting as fact something that is really pretty contrived.  

But then I guess I'm a sceptic and I take this sceptics view of everything I consume from the media be it news, documentaries or advertising.  

It doesn't mean I can't get something out of programs like this and frequently do.  Go Back To Where You Came From also on SBS was a great example of this and First Contact uses the same template in an indigenous context.

So they take six white Australians and immerse them in various aspects of Aboriginal life and culture, from urban to rural to remote.  Like I said, I only saw that last half of the show the other night, so I'm not here to offer any sort of dissertation on it's merits.  But it did get me thinking, and talking, and as it happens singing.  And here's why.

As part of this episode the six whitefellas were sent to a remote Island where the handful of locals live as traditionally as possible, observing their cultural heritage, living off the land. As such they have received an exemption from the laws that prohibit the hunting of sea turtles in the area.  They are allowed to hunt these amazing creatures, and they do.

So of course, when the group of six arrived the boys were taken out in a boat (the traditional Aboriginal means of transport - the tinny) to hunt a turtle.

They caught one and heaved it into the boat.  Traditional laws deemed that the animal couldn't be killed until the next day so it was kept in the boat overnight until it was slaughtered (decapitated with an axe).  It was then smoked and eaten.

As you can imagine a number of the group of six took issue with all of this.  Had I been there I probably would have taken issue with it too.  I don't want to see any animal killed, don't want to have it suffer.  It's confronting, hard to stomach.  It seems so cruel.

My point though is this.  I am not a vegan.  And I don't believe any of the six people taken to that Island to observe the local way of life were vegans either.  They didn't announce that they were.

So to me, unless we walk the walk we shouldn't talk the talk.  Which is to say let's not question the methods of the host unless we are prepared to question our own methods first.

I eat meat.  But how comfortable would I feel spending the day in an abattoir?

I just found the outrage a little misplaced, you know?  Like, don't feel aggrieved by the indigenous guy who's living a traditional lifestyle when there's long net fishing going on off the same coast killing and maiming the same turtles incidentally and without witness.  

Don't be outraged by this community that is probably killing less turtles in a year than we eat chickens in a month.  

Don't get squeamish about watching the slaughter of a turtle just because it is seen, but all the cruelties that go into making up the usual daily diet are invisible.

Look.  I probably would have cried too.  I like turtles.  What's not to like?

I just think since I eat meat it is a real and blinkered hypocrisy to judge other meat eaters, especially when those meat eaters are almost certainly eating in a more globally sustainable way than I am.

You know?  It's like why be outraged that Bolivians eat Guinea Pig but not that the English eat Rabbit?  That the Swiss eat Dog, but not that Americans eat Deer.  That the Germans traditionally eat Horse but not that the Australians consider eating Lamb a national pastime. 

It's all just perspective, conditioning and context.  So let's open our eyes a little.  Because if we are genuinely disgusted and appalled by indigenous locals hunting, slaughtering and eating a turtle then perhaps we need to direct some of that outrage towards the processes that go into making the food that goes onto our own plates.

As the dude who hunted the turtle said "I have a greater spiritual connection to this turtle than you do."

So what it boils down to is this.  I'm not about to criticise anyone for eating a turtle while I'm planning to have steak for dinner.  And I'm not going to criticise (much) a show that gets me thinking and questioning in such a way, even if it is hosted by Ray Martin.

That was some pretty heavy thinking for 5o'clock in the morning, huh?  No wonder it all came to me in a nice, easily digestible* tune from the Frozen soundtrack**.  Have a listen, below is my version of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" inspired by the First Contact turtle eating episode.

"Could You Ever Eat A Turtle?"

To Be Sung To The Tune Of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" From Frozen 

(with tongue firmly planted in cheek)

Could you ever eat a turtle?

Ancient creature of the waves!

I know it seems all wrong to you

It’s not what you do

They’re special in some way

I know you think it’s different

To normal food

I just wish you’d consider why!

Could you ever eat a turtle?

You know it’s just a turtle…

(I don’t think I can though.)

(Go on try…)

Could you ever eat a turtle?

Or how about a cat?

I’m sure you’ve had a cow or two

Don’t they have feelings too?

Have you ever thought of that?

(Sorry Daisy.)

It’s just a little silly

Don’t you think

To differentiate this way….

(dog, lamb, cat, mouse, pig, horse, fish, frog)

It’s not that I want to eat them either

But you need see the other side

And just think if you killed all the food you ate

Would you still feel this way

Still think it right?

We’re all so disconnected

From what’s on our plate

Why do you think that is?

Could you ever eat a turtle?


*pun completely unintended and also very regrettable.

**With acknowledgement to the song rewrites Em does at You Learn Something New Every Day. They're ace.

So? Could You Ever Eat A Turtle?

Listen to: Do You Want To Build A Snowman Frozen 

(with apologies in advance for the brainwork)

Image Licensed Under Creative Commons