Balancing Act

So there is definitely a link between my computer and social media use and my swirly out-of balance-ness.  



It's a shame because I enjoy engaging in this way, both with people that I know and people who I have only 'met' online.  

But I can see I need to have boundaries in place. I'm not blaming the internet. I'm not blaming Facebook. I'm not blaming my computer.

I can't entirely blame these things for my anxiety, for my feeling like I can't catch my breath, can't get ahead, can't reach the surface.  

There are other factors. Illness, sick kids, busy life. But computer use certainly is a major contributor. How do I know this? Because when I turn my computer off, disconnect from the internet, I feel better.  

When I am offline the swirly feelings subside like the tide and I can breathe.  These feelings, they don't go away altogether. But they lessen, retreat, diminish. 

I had a beautiful opportunity to go away with the kids and visit some extended family recently. There I had no reception, no computer, no phone and that was it. That was all I needed to break the cycle.  To show myself that I don't even miss it when it's gone.
  
That in fact I feel better without it.  So when I returned I set some rules around my computer use. Oh, yes, I have made rules before but then I did Blog With Pip and all that fell away.  

Not that I am blaming Pip either. No way. Blog with Pip was a blast. It taught me a lot about blogging and connected me with some truly amazing and inspiring people. Some of whom I have been thrilled to share with you here over the last few weeks. (I really hope you've enjoyed the Guest Post series, I think there were some real gems!)

Blog With Pip is ace and Pip is the bomb. But I tell you what it's also a bit addictive. Because it's so great. And because it's good for my blog too.  

We bloggers are constantly being told that to have a successful blog we need to ENGAGE! That means not just posting here, but reading and commenting on other peoples blogs, putting my posts out there on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. ALL THE THINGS!! And it's true. It works. 

When I tell people about my posts, they read them. And that is totally awesome.  I'm not talking about wanting to reach any commercial-type blog pinnacles.  I'm not talking about earning money or becoming a 'big' blogger.  

I am talking about people reading my words and connecting with them.  I am talking about people who have told me they miss my voice when I'm not writing here (Tread Kindly, you are indeed very kind). People who have told me that what I do here makes them want to start blogging (Do it!). And people who tell me that we are kindred spirits, as Anne with an E would say (Chronic-ills of Rach, you're so right about Gilbert Blythe)

So when these connections are made, and people value my words, and me theirs it feels good.  So I think "that feels good - I'll do more of that."  

Only what doesn't feel good is spending so much time on my computer (even though it is a sexy new Air and I am a little bit in love with it). What doesn't feel good is getting short with my kids because they want my attention but I want to have a cup of tea and scroll my Facebook feed.  What doesn't feel good is modelling poor computer use to my babes who will soon enough be needing to manage their own use of devices.  

None of these things feels good.  And ultimately these things are bigger and more important than comments on my blog.  Because as I have thrashed out before that which gives us pleasure does not ultimately make us happy.

So here is my new rule (and it's a biggie): No computer use before my kids are in bed for the night.  Also each night when I go to bed I shut down my computer and physically remove it (hide it in my jumper drawer).  This means it is not beckoning me in the morning when I get up.  

And this new rule? It is good.  

I've lamented to friend before how, if the computer is on my desire to check it is continuous, constant and crazy-making.  And stupidly can retrospectively shape a whole day, just change the mood around the place. Simply because I'm not focussed on the kids and I'm giving off this 'Mummy would rather be elsewhere' vibe.

So enough.

I don't know what this means for One Small Life.  I hope I am going to be able to still give this blog the attention it needs.  I suspect things are going to get a bit uncomfortable around here.  But maybe that's a good thing.  We'll have to wait and see how that pans out.  

What I do know is that while this space and the gorgeous, supportive and talented people who read it are important to me, my kids and my family are more important by far (Obviously, sorry guys).  As is my own mental health and contentment.

So let's see.  Bring on the new challenge, the new discipline and new disconnection and let's see where it takes us.

What are your rules around computer use and screen time?

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