Thursday, May 28, 2015

Lean In


Ever since the advent of that Sheryl Sandberg book Lean In I've had the phrase in mind.  It's kind of pervasive in that way.  Which is weird for a couple of reasons.  Not least of which is that I haven't actually read the book.  Also because I think the book (from what I've heard) is all about women leaning into their careers and I'm a stay at home mum.



But you know why it circles around my mind so, even though I don't really know what she's on about and I don't even "work"?

Because for me it speaks to leaning in to what you really should be doing.

Leaning in to that which is the right, correct, the true path for you.

Leaning in to your dreams and hearts desires.

Leaning into where you need to be.

As I battle this year to find my feet, to feel the rhythm, to get my groove I ask myself why this is.  And finally I think I know what the answer is.

It's about putting distractions in my path.  It's about being busy when I can afford to be just not.  It's about turning everything I do into a burden or a chore instead of choosing to do things I love.  And to love doing them.  It's about not yielding when the path of those things meanders and changes.  I kid myself that this unyielding nature is a good thing - that it is discipline.  But sometimes it is just fool hardy and leads to inner conflict.

The other day I had a car accident.  Not a big one, just a bingle.  The kids weren't in the car and no-one was hurt.  There was no damage to the other car, since I ran into their tow-ball.  I managed to crack my own bumper bar quite nicely, but in the scheme of things it was quite a good way to have a crash.

Still it left me feeling flat and silly.  Because it shouldn't have happened.  Because I was distracted.  Because my mind was racing in like one hundred different directions none of which prioritised the road conditions in front of me.

I have been questioning my state of mind a lot this year, wondering why I feel so flighty and anxious and stressed in a life that is, in reality anything but.  Yet it was this little bingle that really gave me pause.  And in many ways provided the answers I was seeking.

Lean in.

Let go.

Strip back.

All I really want to do is be the best Mum I can be to my kids.  All I really want to do is give them a childhood full of happy memories and warm hugs.  All I really want is to focus on is my family, build those relationships up and make them shine.  All I really want is to have a happy home.

So what does this mean?

Well it doesn't mean I'm about to give up the things that I do that are just for me.  It doesn't mean that I am going to abandon my creativity, my writing or this blog.  But what it does mean is that I am no longer going to allow those things to feel like a burden or a chore.  I am no longer going to make myself feel like I am working for a demanding employer, a mean boss.  Because I am my own boss.  And I can do as I damn well please.  What a bloody luxury and what a bloody waste to not embrace that!

So here's to more of that - doing as I please.  Leaning in to my kids, my home and my family.  Leaning in to doing what I want and not punishing myself for breaking the rules.  Whose rules are these anyway?

So things around here might change a little too.  I love this space, I enjoy what I do here and the community I feel like I am part of.  But the thing that most gets me feeling like I'm living under a deadline is the pressure I put on myself to publish here each week.

So phase one of Operation: Lean In involves leaning out a little from this space.  I actually think this could be a really good thing, not only for my life at large, but also for this blog as well.  Because I often think of things I would like to explore here, more extensive articles, interviews and other ideas. Things that take time, things that I cannot turn around in a week.  So here's to a move away from the scheduled posts and a move towards posting if and when I want to.

This is a move that I have long toyed with but always been a bit afraid of, mostly because I don't trust myself.  I worry that if I don't maintain the discipline of posting weekly then I will let things slide and months will pass and this space will cease to be the vibrant place I am so pleased it has become.

Only time will tell.  But I don't think that will happen.  I hope it doesn't happen and if it looks like it might happen, well I guess I can always revert to Plan A.  Like my mate Annette from I Give You The Verbs would say, "It's not life and death."  Way to be the Keeper of my Perspective Annette.  Word.

I'm winding things back.  Not just here but in many aspects of my life.  Leaning away from the non-essentials, Leaning In to those things that are my priorities right now.

As another great blogging buddy Rachel from The Chronic Ills of Rach wrote about recently here, there is a tendency for many of us to think that just because we can do all the things we should do all the things.

I'm tired of doing all the things.  For right now I want to do a hell of a lot less of the things.  And rather just enjoy the things I do.

And on that note, see you soon. (But probably not next Thursday. Squee!)


What does Leaning In mean to you?

Listen to Airbag Radiohead

16 comments:

  1. Hey Kate, I like this a LOT - I especially like the idea of taking the self-imposed pressure off. Good stuff!!

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    1. Thanks so much Annette. Why are we so mean to ourselves? Bloody baffling. x

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  2. Love this. I also like the related concept of leaning into discomfort - to extend and push your boundaries. I look forward to where your new-found freedom takes your blog - I think it will give it wings.

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    1. Yes! Leaning in to discomfort is such an interesting idea! Thank-you so much for saying that bout my blog. I really hope so too! x

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  3. I'm still searching for that path - but will definitely lean in once I find it. Love your blog, and can't wait to see what (and when) comes of this.

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    1. Oh! Thank-you so much Cat I really appreciate that. Good luck on your search too! I look forward to following along. x

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  4. Kate , this is one powerful post. Perfect timing for me to read too. This week I've been thinking about all the things I juggle , how I so easily distract myself, what do I really want to be doing. Reading about you getting clear makes me more sure I need to get clear, before I take on any new things. Those early years as a Mum seemed long and yet now so so short. I only have a limited time while our girls are at school. So I want to make the most of that, but also I'm preparing for lay life after they leave home. I'm having more time for me, so I need to be using it well. I'm so sure that your readers will be happy to read your posts as they are written, no deadlines required. I know I will ! Xx

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    1. Wow! Emily, I love this comment so much. Thank-you it really made me smile and made my day. And as you allude to it is so tricky to find the right balance. Hopefully the more we think about it and work towards it the more clear & balanced we will become. Fingers crossed. x

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  5. Oh it really is so hard to fit in all that we want to do in a day, a week, a weekend, a lifetime!!! The struggle of it all is overwhelming at times... I like your lean in thinking a lot... and need to remind myself often that I can't get to everything on my to do list... no matter how hard I try... gotta keep juggling what gets done next and what gets left... great post!

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  6. Thanks bearlovesdove! It's all about balance isn't it? And remembering that life is to be enjoyed! Shouldn't be so hard to remember that, but sometimes it is. Thanks so much for the comment. It really helps to know others go through the same stuff I do. x

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  7. Hi Kate, I think it's cool that you've used the term 'lean in' in your own way, taking it for what it means for you, even if you haven't read the Lean In book. The book is great by the way, and, I think, relevant even if you're not 'working' (ie doing paid work in the work force) but looking after kids - which is still work! It's actually a lot about how women judge each other for their choices (she uses the example of how full time working mums (like her) judge those who don't work and vice versa) and how we really need to stop doing that. Definitely worth a read. Anyway! Good luck with the writing x

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    1. Thanks Isabel I think you are right - I need to read the book. It sounds very interesting. I just find it funny how this phrase has permeated my consciousness (in it's own, potentially irrelevant way!). When I am feel ing stressed about that tug between being present with my kids and other things (even things I want to be doing) it repeats in my mind, mantra-like. Lean In. I quite like it. It's gentle somehow, but powerful too. Great to hear from you. x

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  8. There must truly be something in the air of late. I have being doing this ALOT. Scaling back, taking the pressure off. Living. I write much less frequently now, but I am completely okay with that. I just let it go. I totally understand what you mean. We live in such a "be all things to all people" kind of world that if one of those balls we are juggling falls, we feel like we are a failure. And it simply is not true. We are multifaceted, and sometimes one thing (our family say) needs to take precedence. And that is okay. I love your writing, so much, but I totally understand. Much love xx

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    1. Oh! This comment is so wonderful and so true. Thank-you so much. xx

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  9. I have had similar thoughts too about my kids, my blog, my dreams. Life seems to be getting in the way of my blog too but I really feel like I am failing my kids if I spend time on my blog & I feel guilty when I don't get to my blog because, you know, Life! I feel like I am going back to being a blog reader, not a blog writer & that makes me a little sad. I have been reading a few inspirational business type books lately but they are usually written by people who are different circumstances to me (high powered job, help at home etc) so I take bits & pieces from it all but it never rings completely true. I hope your break is giving you the perspective you need & hope to see you back writing soon.

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    1. Thanks Lisa. It's so hard not to feel guilty or like something important is being neglected no matter what you do, right? But as Sarah said so sagely above I think sometimes we just need to be kind to ourselves when we need to choose to prioritise. Thanks so much for you comment. x

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