Sunday, November 24, 2013

Not In The Mood

I am so not in the mood today.

Not in the mood for writing.  Not in the mood for anything really.  

I'm fed up, frustrated and grumpy.  

I want everyone to leave me the hell alone and of course, the more you want that the less it happens.  Nothing attracts small children like the desire to be left alone.  Damn.  I just feel so irritated.

I'm so very tired and the thought of going for my newly engaged morning run makes me want to puke, or punch someone, or pull the covers up.

But I will go, because I know when I feel like this is exactly when I need to go.  And running, such as it is having started only a couple of weeks ago, makes me feel like a god damn rock star.  Okay, alright, I am aware that in reality I am probably more akin to Cliff Young than Cathy Freeman.  But the fact is I do not give a flying fuck.  When I finish I feel strong and fit and freaking awesome.

I will go even though right now all I want to do is fight.  Don't cross me - seriously I might rip your face off.  

So actually running is perfect.  Less passive than mediating it harnesses this aggressive energy in a hammock of ballsy beats (Kanye, Foxy Brown) and lets me thrash it out in a way that keeps my family safe from my wrath.

It's working for me.

And it's not.  Running is interfering with my writing.  But what do you do when two beneficial things clash?

I feel like both are very important to me, to my mental health.  But my Sunday mornings can only take so much.

So today running wins.  My mood demands it.

Perhaps next week things will feel different.

How are you feeling today?

Listen to Foxy Brown Ft Jay-Z I'll Be

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